There are few sports as honest as cycling. Of course, there are natural talents who get it all. But for the average recreational cyclist, the more hours you spend on your bike, the better off you will be in your cycling club. A rule that is certainly not always true in, say, football. Yet many recreational cyclists look for other reasons for less performance, as I noticed once again during a cycling holiday with friends in the Vosges mountains. There is a whole site established where cyclists can send in their excuses, their hedgers, in case of a down day. In our group of friends, we could provide that website with quite a lot of input. An anthology of covers for cycling.

The swift king

Achieves fantastic results in his scullery in winter, but on the road it always seems to disappoint a bit. “That's because I lose a lot of energy outside with steering and accelerating after corners. But I can pedal great power for an hour.” Slightly irritated, the Swift King waved away the suggestion that he might not have his indoor bike adjusted quite right. “You are accusing me of digital doping. Ridiculous! I'll bike you to complete destruction on the first mountain.”

The Swifter puts his money where his mouth is and sets off swiftly on the first mountain of the holiday. Problem: a good kilometre down the road, he is quickly passed by the first pursuers. Is there perhaps truth in the false Zwift-institutions? Nonsense, she reasons to himself. “I have made my point. I have shown you that I can cycle a few hundred metres rock-hard.”

The man with obsolete equipment

“That does make a difference though. You have a much newer bike, I have to lug this thing uphill,” says the friend to whom we wait a few minutes on each mountain. To continue his argument on the descents: “You really benefit a lot from those disc brakes. I notice that in those hairpins I lose a lot of time on you guys.” Whether it has to do with the fact that the Man with Obsolete Equipment barely trained in the four months before the cycling holiday? No, certainly not: “I went cycling on the beach in February.”

Incidentally, this friend seems overtaken by realism two months after the Vosges. His laps 29 average suddenly go up to 32 in the hour a few training sessions later. And five kilos lighter, he seems all set for the cycling holiday. For the one in 2024, that is.

The man with the belly

This is a shrewd rider. On the one hand, he points out that it is entirely his own fault for having to take his stomach with him over the hills. “Can't make excuses for that,” he says. On the other, he is only too happy to show that he was not put at too great a disadvantage at the top of the mountain. “And that despite that belly.” In the polder, we get to see with some regularity what The Man with the Belly is capable of. In the mountains, we can only guess at it. The eternal promise.

The man with the broken seat post

Okay, that's no subterfuge. Completing a cycling holiday in the mountains with a broken seatpost is a bizarre sign of perseverance.

I myself did not have to use coverers for once this year. Because, as I said, cycling is an honest sport and I have put a lot of time into it over the past year. But as soon as I need excuses again, I shake them right out of my sleeve!

Jelger van Weydom
Designer Pedaleur de Charme